Too much time has gone by and the blogs are unkept! I feel bad because I enjoy blogging and sharing about the kids and life in general and keeping in touch with those few of you who I link to via this place. I hope no one's forgotten me! I haven't forgotten you! I have just been insanely busy.
I have more pictures of my precious children to post. THEY ARE GROWING and Emilia is now 7 months and 17lbs. She is wearing size 9 months clothing and just is SUCH a personality!
I will be back later with pictures to share :)
HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
MORE PICTURES?
That is all I ever do here, huh? Post pictures of my girls??? :) CANNOT HELP IT! I am a proud mama! Since I know this isn't happening again, I am EXTRA proud and excited of the girls.
I will have some good ones coming this week of Elena in her dance gear! She is taking lessons now. And Emilia being her cute self will join those pics, no doubt!
Life is fine. Tiring and frustrating more often than not, but the girls are shining lights in the darkness! :)
How can these faces NOT cheer you up?
I will have some good ones coming this week of Elena in her dance gear! She is taking lessons now. And Emilia being her cute self will join those pics, no doubt!
Life is fine. Tiring and frustrating more often than not, but the girls are shining lights in the darkness! :)
How can these faces NOT cheer you up?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Time to Look in the Mirror
It has BEEN time but I have been avoiding it. I weigh from time to time but just haven't been in the place where I can say "okay, I really will watch my food intake and start to exercise." HOW DO MOMS DO IT? Especially newer moms?
I want to SLEEP not go move my body around and sweat, necessitating a very rare and precious SHOWER! As it is I have to schedule those, to be sure the kids are being watched and that big sis is supervised and little sis is kept alive by someone.
So I am not ready to really start to exercise. I WILL start walking. It is rough because it is in the 100s here lately. And my heel spurs are back (had them for a while after Elena was born too). HOWEVER, I hate that I am breastfeeding and not losing weight and it is because I have not reigned in my eating yet.
I eat too much of the bad foods. I don't eat massive quantities, but I do make bad choices. Sometimes I make faster choices because I don't want to spend precious time in the kitchen.
For some reason I am having a hard time deciding to really make the changes I need to make to my food. I have done this countless times before and NEVER found it so hard to really commit to change like I am now. I guess it is because with so many other things to worry about, I don't want to add to the list. I imagine it has something to do with not wanting to invest in planning and executing and possibly failing when it is easier to just be.
Easy is not usually good and that is what I am settling for these days!
So my ass will not shrink any time soon. I do weigh around what I did pre-Emilia, but of course I don't look like I did and I am and probably will continue to stagnate until I sign on to make the serious changes needed to see my weight go down.
THE GOOD NEWS is that I have a very healthy and beautiful breast-fed child who is thriving and growing and continually impressing and amazing me. I focus on that for now and hope the rest will fall into place when I can handle it! I hope that time comes sooner rather than later!
Speaking of my sweet child, here are more pictures and a video for the clammoring masses out there. Okay, so I don't think there are more than two or three of you since no one leaves me messages, but you few are very important people!
ENJOY!
I want to SLEEP not go move my body around and sweat, necessitating a very rare and precious SHOWER! As it is I have to schedule those, to be sure the kids are being watched and that big sis is supervised and little sis is kept alive by someone.
So I am not ready to really start to exercise. I WILL start walking. It is rough because it is in the 100s here lately. And my heel spurs are back (had them for a while after Elena was born too). HOWEVER, I hate that I am breastfeeding and not losing weight and it is because I have not reigned in my eating yet.
I eat too much of the bad foods. I don't eat massive quantities, but I do make bad choices. Sometimes I make faster choices because I don't want to spend precious time in the kitchen.
For some reason I am having a hard time deciding to really make the changes I need to make to my food. I have done this countless times before and NEVER found it so hard to really commit to change like I am now. I guess it is because with so many other things to worry about, I don't want to add to the list. I imagine it has something to do with not wanting to invest in planning and executing and possibly failing when it is easier to just be.
Easy is not usually good and that is what I am settling for these days!
So my ass will not shrink any time soon. I do weigh around what I did pre-Emilia, but of course I don't look like I did and I am and probably will continue to stagnate until I sign on to make the serious changes needed to see my weight go down.
THE GOOD NEWS is that I have a very healthy and beautiful breast-fed child who is thriving and growing and continually impressing and amazing me. I focus on that for now and hope the rest will fall into place when I can handle it! I hope that time comes sooner rather than later!
Speaking of my sweet child, here are more pictures and a video for the clammoring masses out there. Okay, so I don't think there are more than two or three of you since no one leaves me messages, but you few are very important people!
ENJOY!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
2.5 Months and Counting!
I say it OFTEN but time flies these days!
My girl is getting so big and I am enjoying ALMOST every minute of it!!! ;)
I have so many pictures to post but here are just a few of the very latest from the last week!
ENJOY!
My favorite:
Making faces:
Being STRONG!
Being DRAWN (by her Elena...self portrait, including Emilia):
Excited:
and chillin' with big sis:
Quick Video for those of you still here! :)
My girl is getting so big and I am enjoying ALMOST every minute of it!!! ;)
I have so many pictures to post but here are just a few of the very latest from the last week!
ENJOY!
My favorite:
Making faces:
Being STRONG!
Being DRAWN (by her Elena...self portrait, including Emilia):
Excited:
and chillin' with big sis:
Quick Video for those of you still here! :)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Post Op
So it has been almost seven weeks since my emergency C-section and life is pretty good from where I sit. It was the hardest week of my life I think (that week of delivery) but my daughter is a blessing I wouldn't trade her for the world.
Having said that, knowing I would have to endure another C section was news I did not take well when it was given, but due to the obvious gravity of the situation, I sucked up the tears quickly. Within 15 minutes, I was getting my spinal. In another five minutes, I was prepped and waiting for the OB to show up.
Having had a previous C, I know how fast things go. Once everyone was in place, the baby appears within minutes. Minutes came and went however, and I felt lots of tugging and heard the doctor voices become more hushed. I found out later how grave the situation really was.
My insides were bad. I had adhesions and bad bad scarring from the last C that made it impossible for them to re-cut. Lots of efforts were made, but they abandoned it in order to expedite the delivery. The scarring was so bad that my fallopian tubes and my bladder were glued to my uterus via this excess tissue. I ended up needing to get a new incision on the vertical and while they were cutting, the old scar on the horizontal ruptured. So I lost a ton of blood.
Once inside of me, they saw that the placenta was falling off my uterus, which is why the baby had bad readings while I was on the monitors (prompting the decision for surgery). Despite this complication, the baby was fine and has no noticeable issues due to lack of blood/oxygen while in the uterus.
I should be EXTREMELY thankful. And I most certainly am! My baby had a rough go of coming into the world but seems fine and is healthy, smart and beautiful!
The problem that saddens me is that the OB who did the surgery, the one they called in to assist due to its complexity and the midwife who was assisting, all agree on the fact that I should not get pregnant again.
This is very depressing news to me on so many levels. I don't even know if I would have had more (even though I know I wanted more), but being told not to get pregnant is not something that I enjoyed hearing. They showed me graphs and used very vivid language in explaining things. They were quite detailed. Hearing the issues I might have, the complexity of future surgeries, the difficulty of recovery and the risks to the child made it clear that they are right, but it is STILL hard to grasp.
I feel young and thinking my child bearing years have come to an end makes me feel old. It makes me feel like a huge part of my life and what I love are no more. I have a new life now. It's a different one.
They first told me immediately after surgery. Then while I was in the hospital recovering for a week, I heard it a number of times more. Then at my follow up appointments, I heard it yet again from the OB one week and the midwife the next week. They both immediately brought up birth control methods and made suggestions. The midwife had me leave with a follow up appointment made to deal with birth control insertion AND gave me strict orders to AVOID SEX until after things are fixed. Until I am fixed. :(
I don't feel ready to make a decision. I felt like they told me which methods they felt were best and I just nodded. I don't know the first thing about these things really because "long term" birth control was never part of my plan.
I feel numb still. I have tried for weeks to come to grips with this news and feel selfish sometimes for mourning so much.
I have two beautiful girls and some people are never blessed with a single child. Some people struggle for years to finally enjoy a pregnancy and birth, oftentimes only after seeking help from science. I have two gorgeous children and I should feel blessed. I do feel blessed, but I cannot help but feel sad for the children I won't have. Sad for the siblings I cannot give my children.
I am also quite Sad for myself. I won't experience pregnancy again. I won't ever again experience the great firsts I have started to enjoy with Emilia.
I won't ever get to be surprised by a plus sign on the pregnancy test. I wont ever again get to tell my husband the good news! Thinking that if I do get pregnant, it will somehow be "bad" news just doesn't compute to me. This is what they have told me, however. Becoming pregnant is BAD. Bad for my health and potentially bad for any child.
I could not struggle with getting pregnant because I know I would have to have that child. So I do have to figure out what to do to avoid getting pregnant.
It is sad, but it also doesn't sit well with me as a Catholic.
There is a lot more thinking that has to be done on this subject, so I am putting off the appointment so that I can do more research and rethink things some. I want to feel good about whatever I do and right now I don't feel ready or able to deal with any of it.
I love my girl and I am glad to have her. I love her sister too. My girls are special and make me a better person. Looking at them makes me happy and always reminds me that although my body seems to have many issues that make having a baby the old fashioned way impossible, it did a good job incubating! Thank God for that much!
Having said that, knowing I would have to endure another C section was news I did not take well when it was given, but due to the obvious gravity of the situation, I sucked up the tears quickly. Within 15 minutes, I was getting my spinal. In another five minutes, I was prepped and waiting for the OB to show up.
Having had a previous C, I know how fast things go. Once everyone was in place, the baby appears within minutes. Minutes came and went however, and I felt lots of tugging and heard the doctor voices become more hushed. I found out later how grave the situation really was.
My insides were bad. I had adhesions and bad bad scarring from the last C that made it impossible for them to re-cut. Lots of efforts were made, but they abandoned it in order to expedite the delivery. The scarring was so bad that my fallopian tubes and my bladder were glued to my uterus via this excess tissue. I ended up needing to get a new incision on the vertical and while they were cutting, the old scar on the horizontal ruptured. So I lost a ton of blood.
Once inside of me, they saw that the placenta was falling off my uterus, which is why the baby had bad readings while I was on the monitors (prompting the decision for surgery). Despite this complication, the baby was fine and has no noticeable issues due to lack of blood/oxygen while in the uterus.
I should be EXTREMELY thankful. And I most certainly am! My baby had a rough go of coming into the world but seems fine and is healthy, smart and beautiful!
The problem that saddens me is that the OB who did the surgery, the one they called in to assist due to its complexity and the midwife who was assisting, all agree on the fact that I should not get pregnant again.
This is very depressing news to me on so many levels. I don't even know if I would have had more (even though I know I wanted more), but being told not to get pregnant is not something that I enjoyed hearing. They showed me graphs and used very vivid language in explaining things. They were quite detailed. Hearing the issues I might have, the complexity of future surgeries, the difficulty of recovery and the risks to the child made it clear that they are right, but it is STILL hard to grasp.
I feel young and thinking my child bearing years have come to an end makes me feel old. It makes me feel like a huge part of my life and what I love are no more. I have a new life now. It's a different one.
They first told me immediately after surgery. Then while I was in the hospital recovering for a week, I heard it a number of times more. Then at my follow up appointments, I heard it yet again from the OB one week and the midwife the next week. They both immediately brought up birth control methods and made suggestions. The midwife had me leave with a follow up appointment made to deal with birth control insertion AND gave me strict orders to AVOID SEX until after things are fixed. Until I am fixed. :(
I don't feel ready to make a decision. I felt like they told me which methods they felt were best and I just nodded. I don't know the first thing about these things really because "long term" birth control was never part of my plan.
I feel numb still. I have tried for weeks to come to grips with this news and feel selfish sometimes for mourning so much.
I have two beautiful girls and some people are never blessed with a single child. Some people struggle for years to finally enjoy a pregnancy and birth, oftentimes only after seeking help from science. I have two gorgeous children and I should feel blessed. I do feel blessed, but I cannot help but feel sad for the children I won't have. Sad for the siblings I cannot give my children.
I am also quite Sad for myself. I won't experience pregnancy again. I won't ever again experience the great firsts I have started to enjoy with Emilia.
I won't ever get to be surprised by a plus sign on the pregnancy test. I wont ever again get to tell my husband the good news! Thinking that if I do get pregnant, it will somehow be "bad" news just doesn't compute to me. This is what they have told me, however. Becoming pregnant is BAD. Bad for my health and potentially bad for any child.
I could not struggle with getting pregnant because I know I would have to have that child. So I do have to figure out what to do to avoid getting pregnant.
It is sad, but it also doesn't sit well with me as a Catholic.
There is a lot more thinking that has to be done on this subject, so I am putting off the appointment so that I can do more research and rethink things some. I want to feel good about whatever I do and right now I don't feel ready or able to deal with any of it.
I love my girl and I am glad to have her. I love her sister too. My girls are special and make me a better person. Looking at them makes me happy and always reminds me that although my body seems to have many issues that make having a baby the old fashioned way impossible, it did a good job incubating! Thank God for that much!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
One Month and counting!!
Time passes quickly when you live in a vacuum!
Emilia turns a month old this week!
I have a couple of pictures to share with you that are from this week and today. She has started to smile and that has really made things entertaining. She is a joy--although still thinks midnight to 5 a.m. is "morning". That complicates things as far as getting decent sleep is concerned, but she is still a treasure!
ENJOY!
Emilia turns a month old this week!
I have a couple of pictures to share with you that are from this week and today. She has started to smile and that has really made things entertaining. She is a joy--although still thinks midnight to 5 a.m. is "morning". That complicates things as far as getting decent sleep is concerned, but she is still a treasure!
ENJOY!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Emilia Andrea Gracia: Photos from first week
These are all cell phone images we captured during week one at home. Excuse mess and mismatched clothes and no makeup having faces! :)
I know it looks like all she does is sleep but its quite the opposite. She cries a *LOT* and eats even more. She is ALWAYS hungry it seems. This is a mixed blessing. I am dropping weight like no one's business, but breast feeding can be quite painful with an eater like this (who also refuses to latch well)!
So there is no such thing as a free lunch! I am paying dearly for this weight loss! (Pain, lack of sleep, rinse & repeat.) I can not think of another diet that is too much easier. No pain no gain, right?
;)
More pics to come once I get my camera ones online and re-sized!
Have a great day!
I know it looks like all she does is sleep but its quite the opposite. She cries a *LOT* and eats even more. She is ALWAYS hungry it seems. This is a mixed blessing. I am dropping weight like no one's business, but breast feeding can be quite painful with an eater like this (who also refuses to latch well)!
So there is no such thing as a free lunch! I am paying dearly for this weight loss! (Pain, lack of sleep, rinse & repeat.) I can not think of another diet that is too much easier. No pain no gain, right?
;)
More pics to come once I get my camera ones online and re-sized!
Have a great day!
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