Post Op

So it has been almost seven weeks since my emergency C-section and life is pretty good from where I sit. It was the hardest week of my life I think (that week of delivery) but my daughter is a blessing I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Having said that, knowing I would have to endure another C section was news I did not take well when it was given, but due to the obvious gravity of the situation, I sucked up the tears quickly. Within 15 minutes, I was getting my spinal. In another five minutes, I was prepped and waiting for the OB to show up.

Having had a previous C, I know how fast things go. Once everyone was in place, the baby appears within minutes. Minutes came and went however, and I felt lots of tugging and heard the doctor voices become more hushed. I found out later how grave the situation really was.

My insides were bad. I had adhesions and bad bad scarring from the last C that made it impossible for them to re-cut. Lots of efforts were made, but they abandoned it in order to expedite the delivery. The scarring was so bad that my fallopian tubes and my bladder were glued to my uterus via this excess tissue. I ended up needing to get a new incision on the vertical and while they were cutting, the old scar on the horizontal ruptured. So I lost a ton of blood.

Once inside of me, they saw that the placenta was falling off my uterus, which is why the baby had bad readings while I was on the monitors (prompting the decision for surgery). Despite this complication, the baby was fine and has no noticeable issues due to lack of blood/oxygen while in the uterus.

I should be EXTREMELY thankful. And I most certainly am! My baby had a rough go of coming into the world but seems fine and is healthy, smart and beautiful!

The problem that saddens me is that the OB who did the surgery, the one they called in to assist due to its complexity and the midwife who was assisting, all agree on the fact that I should not get pregnant again.

This is very depressing news to me on so many levels. I don't even know if I would have had more (even though I know I wanted more), but being told not to get pregnant is not something that I enjoyed hearing. They showed me graphs and used very vivid language in explaining things. They were quite detailed. Hearing the issues I might have, the complexity of future surgeries, the difficulty of recovery and the risks to the child made it clear that they are right, but it is STILL hard to grasp.

I feel young and thinking my child bearing years have come to an end makes me feel old. It makes me feel like a huge part of my life and what I love are no more. I have a new life now. It's a different one.

They first told me immediately after surgery. Then while I was in the hospital recovering for a week, I heard it a number of times more. Then at my follow up appointments, I heard it yet again from the OB one week and the midwife the next week. They both immediately brought up birth control methods and made suggestions. The midwife had me leave with a follow up appointment made to deal with birth control insertion AND gave me strict orders to AVOID SEX until after things are fixed. Until I am fixed. :(

I don't feel ready to make a decision. I felt like they told me which methods they felt were best and I just nodded. I don't know the first thing about these things really because "long term" birth control was never part of my plan.

I feel numb still. I have tried for weeks to come to grips with this news and feel selfish sometimes for mourning so much.

I have two beautiful girls and some people are never blessed with a single child. Some people struggle for years to finally enjoy a pregnancy and birth, oftentimes only after seeking help from science. I have two gorgeous children and I should feel blessed. I do feel blessed, but I cannot help but feel sad for the children I won't have. Sad for the siblings I cannot give my children.

I am also quite Sad for myself. I won't experience pregnancy again. I won't ever again experience the great firsts I have started to enjoy with Emilia.

I won't ever get to be surprised by a plus sign on the pregnancy test. I wont ever again get to tell my husband the good news! Thinking that if I do get pregnant, it will somehow be "bad" news just doesn't compute to me. This is what they have told me, however. Becoming pregnant is BAD. Bad for my health and potentially bad for any child.

I could not struggle with getting pregnant because I know I would have to have that child. So I do have to figure out what to do to avoid getting pregnant.

It is sad, but it also doesn't sit well with me as a Catholic.

There is a lot more thinking that has to be done on this subject, so I am putting off the appointment so that I can do more research and rethink things some. I want to feel good about whatever I do and right now I don't feel ready or able to deal with any of it.

I love my girl and I am glad to have her. I love her sister too. My girls are special and make me a better person. Looking at them makes me happy and always reminds me that although my body seems to have many issues that make having a baby the old fashioned way impossible, it did a good job incubating! Thank God for that much!

39 week appointment

:(

NO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still 2cm, still thick, and still my cervix is high. Anyone surprised? Me neither.

The midwife couldn't even strip my membranes because they are TOO HIGH for her short fingers. :)

It has been an emotional day for me and I cannot explain why completely. Part of me is sad I am not going early. Part of me is worried about the VBAC not being able to happen. Part of me is scared about labor and even the baby coming home. I just got hit with a flood of emotions in my appointment and couldn't stop crying! :) THankfully I was with my favorite midwife who was very reassuring and sweet about it all.

It turns out she is on call today, Wednesday then again this weekend. I had the dates wrong!! Then next week i have my 40th week appointment on Monday but I HOPE I DON'T MAKE IT THAT FAR!!!! *fingers xed*

One good thing that happened is that I got to see the little one since the midwife couldn't find her heartbeat. This girl wouldn't stay still!!!! She finally saw her on the u/s then was able to find her heartbeat. Oh my goodness, this girl is so active. she has been bouncing around ALLLLLL morning and my tummy is hurting. wish she'd take a nap or something!

Weird how she feels sooooooooooooo low like she is about to pop out but she ISN'T yet.

I started early labor ON MY due date last time and I am guessing its the same this time. With any luck this weekend I start my early labor *fingers xed* since my due date is Sunday!!!!!!

She said whatever I do don't lay off the EPO. Apparently it is better to keep it up than not to, so I am taking it. Hope along with me that things move by this weekend. I would rather not go past my due date and I would also rather NOT be delivered by one of the other midwives.

Glad I got my good cry in. I feel a little better. Hopefully, I can start doing the positive visualization. I need to be in a better state of mind! SOON!!

Keep me in your prayers! :)

14 days left...or less?

38 week appointment was today. It was a mix of emotions, but mostly good!

First they did an ultrasound which was had me excited and frightened. They estimate the baby's weight (on a static formula they plug my baby's info into) to be at 9 lbs 10 oz. I know this isn't true just based on the fact that the formula is flawed and didn't hold true for my last child. I do not deny that this is a large baby. I know I have those! But I don't think this kid is nearly 10 lbs with two more weeks to go!


(Image above not my child ;) but still cute!)

HOWEVER, I did see my child on the ultrasound and it was such an uplifting, happy moment. I don't remember feeling so moved before in previous ultrasounds of TWO kids! This child looks adorable and I cannot wait to see what she really looks like. What was so precious is that you saw her cheeks moving in utero as she was sucking on her fingers. you saw her eyes open and close and you saw her head move and her hands move as she adjusted herself. It was so surreal and beautiful. Her cheeks look so sweet and pinchable! Really chubby and cute!

I know that two of the three midwives are more clinical and one is worried about my baby's weight so I was a little worried about what they would say when they saw the information of the U/s at my regular appointment later that morning. It turns out I saw the MUCH more laid back midwife, who I really want to be the lady in the room with me when I deliver. She was wonderful and also believes the ultrasound is wrong based on her very firm probing of my belly. OUCH! She said it feels VERY long and thin (like her sister is) and that she expects her to probably weigh what Elena weighed. She also said even if it was right, based on my daughter's body type, our sizes, etc, she doesn't think it will be a problem. PLUS this kid's head is slightly smaller than her sister's was, which is more good news.

We are doing Evening Primrose Oil and today was my first vaginal check. She said I'm almost at 2 centimeters dilated and that if I go this coming weekend or the following weekend, SHE IS ON CALL! :) LOL I hope my child cooperates!!!!

I don't know who works during the week, but I certainly hope we have a chance at her being the person who comes in to help deliver this baby!

I gained one pound, which is weird since my last appointment was only five days ago, but with only two weeks to go and no weight gained in almost three months, I cannot complain.

I am really getting anxious and hope we don't have long to wait! I am ready for things to go down this weekend. I need a couple of days to relax after all the stress of the past few days, including today (see post on other blog tomorrow). After a few rest up days, I am ready to rock and roll! :)

BRING IT BABY!!!

I, however, have a feeling this kid is nice and cozy where she is. Looking at her face, you would think she was big and strong enough to come out YESTERDAY, but she's coming in her time. Maybe she's a procrastinator like her mommy (and her sister--who was three days late)!

LET US HOPE NOT!

:)

Hospital Tour

We finally were able to make it for a hospital tour night before last. It was interesting and really made me realize how CLOSE this is becoming. VERY SOON we'll have our family expanded by one.

The tour included a look at Labor & Delivery rooms and the rooms you stay in after the work is done. The L&D rooms were awesome. Really big and nice. The rooms you spend MOST of your time in were tiny though! I guess it doesn't matter really since I won't be there long.

However, for a measly $300 dollars extra, per night, I could stay in a VIP room. These rooms are much nicer. They are roomier, include fridges and a living area separate from the rest area. Both areas have flat-screen televisions as well. However, this extra money is not covered by insurance, so it has to come out of OUR pockets. I cannot imagine paying that extra money. If I had a fairy god mother, I'd request the upgrade! :)

Our favorite stop was the nursery! ADORABLE little children were in there. They were very small and just looked so sweet. Elena was oohing and ahhing over them too and says she's ready for her sister to come. I know her heart is in the right place, but we'll see how she really reacts once it all sets in and she's stuck with a sibling that is loud and time consuming.

All in all the tour was informative and helped me realize how close we are to this new reality. TIME TO PANIC! :)

I am very excited to meet my little one, but I'm going to miss carrying her around, even though it is tiring and painful at times. I will also remember fondly the time before the baby joined the mix--our times as a threesome.

I feel quite unready and I am trying to get ready in the next two or so weeks. I am still taking inventory of what we have and what we need and when we have to acquire the things we need in order to spread out the costs involved.

Slowly but surely, things will come together though, I am sure!

;)

TWO MONTHS TO GO AND COUNTING!!!!

Holy moly! It is already February and I am due in less than eight weeks! :)

I had an appointment yesterday--my 32 week appointment. It went well. The midwife measured me and we talked some and heard the heartbeat. These are mostly routine visits where not a lot happens. The biggest issue is seeing scale and what it has to say. ALWAYS so much stress in that part of the visit! :)

It has been good news for me thus far, however. I have been holding steady for over a month now, with no weight gain. This is harder to do toward the end, because the babies gain 1/3 of their entire weight in the last trimester and the blood supply grows as well. All of this equals WEIGHT gain for mama. I am hoping the last few visits aren't too bad, however. I want to be able to keep this trend going of no weight gain, but its not very likely!

I have had a little relief from my SPD with the chiro visits and by following all the "rules" for keeping your legs together and sitting correctly, etc. It isn't easy to do it and remember it all the time, but I do see that its making a difference and making my last few weeks more tolerable. ANY bit of relief is huge!

Given that most babies weigh 3.75 pounds during this week and are about 16.7 inches long, my guess is that my "little" pumpkin is a big bigger. I've consistently been running big and she was estimated at 28 weeks to weigh a pound more than average, so I'm guessing she's closer to five pounds by now.

This makes sense since they say that they gain about a third of their weight in the last 8 weeks. Given that my daughter was over nine pounds at birth, I fully expect this child to be around the same weight. They say that second babies run larger, so this child may outweigh my last by an ounce or two. That is my guess anyway! :)

Elena was 9lbs 6oz at birth and 21 1/2 inches long. Want to take a guess as to the weight and height on this second child?

This could be interesting! :)

31 weeks and one day! :)

Time is flying!

I had to post again because today I am wearing a tight shirt. I was desperate and there was so little available at target that was NOT winter! HELLO! It is Texas and we have had some WARM weather off and on with the "chillier" temperatures. I only have winter maternity clothes!

Here I am today:



I went to the chiropractor this weekend and it seems to have helped ever so slightly. I notice that the pain isn't as bad early in the morning. I left feeling fine but in about 30 minutes I was back to where I was before the appointment. So its taken the edge off, but this is really still difficult to deal with. I am doing okay otherwise!

This week my big girl has her birthday festivities! I'm excited that she's bigger and stronger and happy and almost FOUR YEARS OLD! It should be an exciting week if I can manage to keep my house clean! :) That is a serious struggle since I'm moving much slower and NOT bending over anymore! ;) LOL

Thank God for my little helper! She's closer to the ground and really has been a big help during the pregnancy, especially now as I'm getting slower and bigger. Thank goodness for my munchkin!

OB Consult and 30 week appt.

I am 30 weeks as of this past weekend. This means I am actually closer to 31 weeks today than I was yesterday! :) Things are chugging along nicely! Here is a picture taken yesterday.



Today we went in to meet the OB who would be performing my Csection, should the need for one arise. He was VERY optimistic about me VBAC'ing which made my day!!!

He said that he doesn't go by u/s weight like my previous group did. He uses head size to determine whether they recommend a Csection. He said even with 98 percentile, other factors play into things and that overall, I looked like a strong candidate!

He was the OB I was planning on using if I didn't go with the midwives, and it turns out he is the OB they use for their c-sections. He was a little creepy looking online in the photo I saw, but in person he was a really sweet man! He talked to us forever and was funny and nice and I enjoyed him very much! I felt comfortable and that really made me happy because I'd like to know whoever gives me a Csection should I need to have one. Last time I met the doctor AT the operation and that was NO FUN!

The doctor was able to feel the baby in my uterus because she was pressing up against the front and he heard the heartbeat immediately which he said sounded strong and healthy.

He also said that they don't use stirrups and are open to different birthing positions which is helpful given the SPD I have developed.

I'm really getting excited about meeting this little girl. The pregnancy has been so different, it just makes me curious to meet her and see what she is really like--physically and otherwise!!!

On keeping my legs together...

There has been an interesting development in my pregnancy. I have had some "normal" pains here and there and I didn't think TOO much of it until they got to be worse. I had some days where I wanted to cry. This is all in the last week or so that things have escalated.

It isn't too bad really. The worse part is that sitting hurts, standing hurts and walking hurts. Pretty much all daily movements like putting pants on, getting in and out of the car, going up stairs, etc HURT--sometimes quite badly. No biggie, right?

Obviously, I am trying to make light of my suffering. This really is a pain in the ass and quite upsetting. I have been researching and learned that the pain has a name and can be long lasting, even into post partum. It is called SPD or SYMPHYSIS PUBIS DYSFUNCTION.

It is caused by pregnancy and the hormones which are released at too large of a quantity, too soon, in some moms. Having multiple pregnancies increases your chances of having it. But it seems quite random as a lot of first time moms seem to be stricken with it. Some people don't have it set in until delivery and then it lasts a few weeks or months. Some people get it early in pregnancy and it gets worse as things progress. For some lucky few, it starts late in pregnancy and disappears after birth. I hope I am one of those individuals!!!

There are a number of interesting articles and explanations (and forums) online discussing the issue. Most say there are therapies available for treatment but I don't know what I'll be covered to have just yet or what my midwives will recommend. I did call my chiro (which i pay out of pocket for) only to find out that she isn't certified or trained to treat in what I need. I am going to see her this weekend for a referral to someone else. I just don't now how much I can afford to pay out of pocket for treatment!

It gets worse as the baby gains weight, so there is some fun in store for me yet! Sometimes it can make delivery more difficult since your range of motion in your hips is compromised quite a bit. For now, I get in and out of my car with my legs together and move in bed the same way. I sit to get dressed and do not ever balance on one leg (as you would while standing and putting pants on). I go slowly up and down stairs and have lots of clicking sounds in my hips. I think its these bones/ligaments moving around in my pelvis.

Last night, while falling asleep, I coughed and heard 3 distinct popping sounds out of my hip/pelvic area. VERY WEIRD.

I am going to call the midwives in a bit to see what they recommend. I would talk to them at my next appointment Thursday, but Thursday I see an OB for my consult in case I have a C-section. I will hopefully get in to see the midwives the same day just for a quick discussion of this latest exciting development! :)

Our Day Today...More Appointments!

We started the day off SUPER early. Well...early for me! :)

My girl was with her grandparents by 8am and we were on our way to the perinatologist for the second ultrasound. We got in quickly and the tech measured all of the body parts on the baby. Pretty much, looks like the baby is RIGHT at where it should be.

Heart has the right number of chambers. The organs all look to be developing fine. The brain looks good. All the stuff that should be there is there.

And the really good news is that the placenta has moved up some, meaning it won't be in the way later on when its time to give birth! We also found out that my fibroids haven't grown much at all, meaning one less issue to contend with later. Apparently when they grow too much they sap some of the blood supply from the baby, so they will want to keep an eye on that going forward...JUST to be safe.

We were asked again if we wanted to know the sex and dh and I looked at each other. I told him it was up to him. He said he wanted to. I asked the tech if she knew yet, and she said, "Oh yeah! I saw it at the beginning." So then dh says, "TELL US!"

LMFAO!!!!

So much for self control this time around, huh? Heheehee!

So we found out. No more not knowing. Will it be pink or blue? Will we need hair bows or little sneakers? Will Elena have a baby sister or a baby brother?

We had a hunch it was a boy. I hoped for a girl (afraid of the unknown). Josh had a boy dream and I had weird unable-to-figure-the-sex-out dreams. :)

At the end of the day, I was STILL surprised. How is that even possible? LOL!



After that excitement, I had my regular appointment with the midwives. Nothing happened there. Pee in cup, get measured, weighed and poked at. It was fine. No more ultrasounds for two more months. Gestational diabetes test at the same time. Next appointment is the week before Christmas! :)

So that is that!